you ask me why i have a doggy door installed in a window 6 feet off the ground and i put my fingers in my mouth and whistle. “here boy!” the FLAMING SKULL flies through the flap and starts gnawing on your forearm
my friend asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend because her parents are homophobic af but they ended up hating me so much that they were glad when she said she was gay task failed successfully
okay so
be a goth. conservative christian parents don’t approve of goth men. show up to their house wearing all kinds of satanic symbols if you can
know more about religion than the parents. they’ll try to introduce you to christianity because you don’t exactly look like a christian but your dad’s an ex priest and has a phd in theology so *cracks knuckles* you’ll correct them on every little mistake they make
call your fake girlfriend every annoying petname under the sun. i’m talking about babu, shmoopie, snuffleupagus. when you run out of annoying english terms of endearment call her shit like “my liver” or “my little cabbage” (actual greek terms of endearments but the parents won’t know this they’ll just think you’re annoying :3)
to continue this, talk to your fake girlfriend in the most high pitched annoying voice possible but talk in your regular voice to everyone else
stare at her older brother’s ass for just a little too long
have an annoying laugh. think of sybil fawlty but a stereotypical villain playing a church organ in his castle
let them quote bible verses to you. then ask “so when were those two destroyed for sodomy?”. it’s very funny to do this when judas kisses jesus, and it’s even funnier when you’ve just corrected them over a minor mistake in church history
ask WHY abraham was begging for sodom. it doesn’t make sense to you why a good christian man would go and beg for tha-
be over possessive of your fake gf (dont really do this, it’s just an act)
go and fuck her brother in an alleyway. the parents won’t know about this so it’s an optional step
use words no one knows the meaning of. do this without realising because you always talk like that
just be yourself! that’s enough on its own to make them despise you tbh
yes
i kissed him on the lips infront of his parents and claimed it was the usual greek greeting between men is that enough for you
Are you…. Are you secretly dating her brother OP?
yes
I wonder why
Show up again to admit to dating the brother, but dress like a typical suburbanite and act like you’ve never met the parents before. Absolute power move.
asdgfgsjfh im totally doing this
want an update?
ofc you do
but i’m too tired to write all of what happened down right now so instead try to imagine the most awkward situation you’ve ever been in.
now multiply the awkwardness by 100
first of all i’m just gonna show the difference in what i was wearing
an example of what i would wear as my friend’s fake bf:
and as my boyfriend’s actual bf:
when my bf and i showed up his dad did such a double take
sooo yeah my bf told his parents he’s gay, they looked surprised but told him it was fine… then they shared a look of pure horror (seriously, it was like they had just found out they’re in the matrix) and said
“and uh. why is…he here?”
i went and introduced myself like we had never met before and said i was their son’s boyfriend
:3
i’ve never seen two people look more angry before but they weren’t gonna say anything because they had other family members over
the family members who had never met me before and therefore knew nothing about the fake relationship thing started asking me what faith i am. i said i was raised protestant, though i’m not very religious now, but that’s something i want to change. i had never mentioned anything about being a protestant before and i had said several times that my family was greek orthodox but gaslight gatekeep girlboss
aaaand then the awkwardness began. those were probably the most awkward minutes of my life (we didn’t stay for long because i thought the dad was gonna hit me [he probably was. i saw him clenching his fists several times]) and i don’t think anyone has ever looked at me with such murderous intent as my bf’s parents
update two electric boogaloo ig
i have a girlfriend now🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
Be the fucking chaos you want to see in the world.
Omg so many additions since I last saw this post! 😂😂😂
It’s funny but incredibly telling how entitled/ignorant/insensitive some of these people are… idk if it’s an education gap or purposeful ignorance.
The really bewildering thing to me is that I remember when you needed to get up and pull a dictionary off the shelf, or visit a library to look up the facts you needed. Now people have all kinds of information literally at their fingertips and they can’t be bothered to use it.
Oh dear gods, it’s gotten worse
When you know politics but no facts
don’t take people too seriously on the internet
This hits different when combined with that “Americans don’t learn other countries exist till they’re in 5th Grade” post from the other day.
Demily recently got another one lads
Also, I love that, in the sign language one, it seems like the last image might’ve been a gif of “fuck you,” screenshot at the perfect time to let you know they were about to sign “fuck you”
As a romanian person I gotta add this one too
This is my favourite post on this website
I have literally had people tell me that I’m a gross appropriator for learning sign language while not deaf.
I sometimes cannot speak, but leaving that aside, what the FUCK lol
I still remember the guy who got mad at me because I spoke about the cultural role of the Norse gods in my life and my culture and insisted that I should be “proud of my Christian heritage instead” and quite simply would not believe me when I told him I was from Scandinavia because “that doesn’t exist anymore.”
someone please edit that map of europe with the spain void to also have a void for the whole of scandinavia
Every now and then I just have to reblog this.
(while particularly loving: “Gender of the Day: Wales”)
PLD: Man fuck this Roegadyn, biggest asshole in all of Ul'dah. WAR: Man fuck this unyielding rage, I got a partner to protect. DRK: Man fuck Ishgard, biggest assholes in all of Coerthas. GNB: Man fuck the Garleans, especially that Sephiroth wannabe…biggest asshole in all of Garlemald now that Asahi is dead. MNK: Man fuck Gridania, biggest assholes in all of the Shroud. DRG: Man fuck Ishgard, biggest assholes in all of Dravania NIN: Man I’d fuck this Crow guy, but he’s a loveable asshole. SAM: Man fuck the Sekiseigumi, biggest assholes in all of Kugane. RPR: Man Emet-Selch really just trolled this guy leading to generational trauma. Biggest asshole in Elpis. WHM: Man FUCK the Padjal, biggest assholes literally anywhere. SCH: Lets help this guy fuck this tonberry. AST: Man fuck Sharlayan and Ishgard, biggest assholes ever. SGE: No, seriously, FUCK. SHARLAYAN. BRD: No, serously, FUCK. GRIDANIA. MCH: No, seriously, FUCK. ISHGARD. DNC: Man, fuck cringe, embrace it, expel it and look cute doing it. BLM: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, YOU’RE COOL! AND FUCK YOU I’M OUT! SMN: Man fuck Allag, ruining everything for everyone. RDM: Would you care to fuck this catman? BLU: FUCK THIS IM OU–*BOOM*
if you are dealing with extreme heat or even just. moderate heat in your area right now. 80f/26c is when it starts getting toasty for a lot of people. if you are in a heat wave and you have not done yourself the favor of googling fucking “heat exhaustion symptoms” i am shaking you violently right now. look it up. burn the symptoms into your brain. heatstroke is no joke and it can and WILL sneak up on you before you’re aware it’s even an issue. ohh my god
if you are outside and it is hot and sunny and you are sweating thru your clothes or feeling tired or starting to get irrationally agitated or upset in another way or feeling nauseous or your heart is pounding etc etc if you are feeling Weird and Bad for no apparent reason while you are in a warm/hot area then i have news for you! you need to cool down! right now! oh my god.
and there’s a very good chance that you’re gonna think “it’s not heat exhaustion, i don’t feel any warmer than i have all day” when you consider it as a reason why you are suddenly feeling weirdbad for no apparent reason during a record-breaking heatwave and i would like to say. there is no harm in sitting in the shade and drinking some water even if heat exhaustion isn’t the cause of whatever ailment is inflicting itself upon u. once i swore up and down to my bf that i was just kinda tired and headachy and got bitchy about the possibility of being overheated and needing to drink water. because heat exhaustion tends to make you bitchy. but i did as he asked and drank some cold water and my condition immediately improved. because it was heat exhaustion and heat exhaustion is evil and a liar. sit down. drink water
literally the only difference between terriers and herders to me is that if a terrier is bored they cause problems on purpose and it’s with the purpose of starting a fight (metaphorically). herders cause problems on purpose as well but it’s with a goal of like. white collar crime. terriers would start a bar fight out boredom just for the sheer glee of chaos and bc they wanna smash a bottle of vodka on someone’s head. herders would do stock manipulation for fun. just to see if they could
learning that self depreciation isnt cool and just makes the people around you uncomfortable unironically improved my mental health a lot. like if you just stop saying negative shit about yourself you will genuinely like yourself more and other people wont be repulsed by your attitude and you will have more friends. it’s true.
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